So if you read my last post, you will know that is was geared towards how a husband should love his wife. This week, I decided to return the favor and talk about how a wife should love her husband, In order to do that she must respect him.
If you haven’t realized already,
men and women think differently.
A woman may feel loved when she feels covered, worthy of sacrifice, and attractive to her husband. However, men tend to want to be respected at all times by their wife. What we often miss is that in order for both parties to feel as if their needs are met, they both must focus on their part in the relationship. Regardless of what the other is doing this should not prevent you from loving her or respecting him.
Hear me out on this.
It is easy for a wife to say when her husband starts doing xyz, then he will deserve to receive respect. Ladies, I’m here to tell you, that is not how that works. Your husband deserves to be respected even if their behavior lacks the characteristics that bring about respect. The same goes with you being loved by your husband even when your behavior is unlovable. It’s a two-way street that you both must travel in marriage. That is why it is so important that you do some of the work prior to marriage to understand the tendencies of each other. Even when he is wrong, can I still respect him? Though she may get besides herself, can I still love her?
"Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives," - 1 Peter 3:1 NIV
This proves as wives, we win our husbands over not by us nagging and telling them how or when they should do something. It is by how we behave toward them that gets them to see God in us. This is what can draw them closer to God and bring about changed behavior.
So what are some ways we can respect our husband?
1) By Honoring Him
This is something that is easily disregarded during what I now like to refer to as “heated fellowship”. When you are having a disagreement about an issue, this is not the time to talk down to your husband or criticize a weakness that you know he has.
Although men are the stronger partner physically, their egos are very fragile.
Also comparing him to another man, suggesting that he should be more like so and so, or harshly pointing out his deficiency in a certain area, are all ways that do not honor him.
In addition to that, never should a wife belittle her husband in any way in front of other people. Yelling at him or bringing up private conversations in the presence of others are all ways in which you are disrespecting your husband. Women tend to be emotional beings but as wives, we are to control these emotions by learning the art of being quiet until we can effectively communicate our feelings without going for the jugular.
Let’s be honest, we know it is in us to do that at times.
Please understand that by keeping quiet, this is not a sign of weakness. To hold your tongue requires great strength and discipline. There is a time and place for everything, but we must be willing to approach our husbands with certain issues when they are available to process them. Remember, their mind doesn’t function like ours. Not saying this in a demeaning way, but the truth is that men are simple and women can be complicated at times. So coming to your husband with a bunch of demands and problems will send him into a complete shutdown. However, by holding off on having the conversation until he is mentally ready or effectively sharing your concerns in a way that is not irritating, you can get a lot farther in getting a quicker response from your husband.
2) Respecting His Sexual Desire
Ok, take a deep breath and exhale. Whether you like it or not, men are sexual and visual beings. As wives, it is our duty (yes, you heard that right) to be available to our husband sexually. This is not to say that husbands have the right to take advantage of or misuse our bodies. From a biblical context, we are to be active participants in our marital relations with our husbands.
The keyword here is “active participant”.
Husbands want to know that their wife has a desire for them sexually. They want them to be willing and excited to please them in this area. Now don’t get me wrong, wives are not expected to be excited every time because we are mothers and or have careers that can drain us at times. However, ask God to prepare your mind and body for your husband during these moments.
This does not in any way give a husband the excuse to commit adultery. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter if you are connecting on a regular or not at all. A man who wants to give in to lust will do so regardless due to his lack of self-control. The scripture is just saying that if one is withholding sexual pleasure from their spouse that it causes them to become weaker in fighting off temptation.
As I stated earlier, men are simple. It doesn’t take much to show love for your husband in a way that makes him happy. Respect him with honor and satisfy his needs all without conditions.
I would love to hear about what you think on this subject. Husbands, weigh in on if you agree and wives share your thoughts below.
In Relentless Pursuit,
“However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” – Ephesians 5:33 ESV